


To Have and To Hold

by wonderfulchaos



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: 500themes, Bad Ending, M/M, theme - sensation of loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 03:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9416585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderfulchaos/pseuds/wonderfulchaos
Summary: Is it wrong to want and to take? Even if you give something in return?





	

It was nearly dark as Sakuya slowed to a stop in front of a little shop that had sweatbands on display. Mahiru had lost his a while ago and hadn’t mentioned anything to anyone, simply moving on with a gracious smile. It had been his favorite, though, a present from his mother. He knew nothing could replace it in the world, but as he glanced from one to the next on that display in the window, he thought he would like to try.

He exited the shop minutes later to the chime of a bell and went back to wandering the streets, the crinkle of a paper bag in his grasp as testament of his purchase. Not that he could think of a good reason to give it to Mahiru. _Wouldn’t it be too awkward if I just gave it to him for no reason? Won’t he be weirded out?_ It worried him, the thought of Mahiru recoiling from him in anyway. The thought of putting any space between them set him on edge. It was a dependency he knew would one day backfire on him, but for now, he wanted and wanted and he would take.

It was embarrassing to think of all the things he wanted to do with Mahiru before it was over. All the things he wanted do _to_ Mahiru. He placed his headphones on, turning up the volume to drown at his own thoughts.

He would have fallen into the beat of the bass and momentarily forgotten the name ‘Mahiru’, if the boy didn’t choose that moment to go running by, panting for breath. The sound of that familiar heart was louder than any music, alive with the thrum of blood. He turned off his music, but left the headphones on, grinning as he jogged to catch up with his friend.

When Mahiru came into sight, hands on his knees as he struggled for breath, Sakuya shouted out a playful, “Hey, what’s the hurry!”

The frightened glance the other boy gave him over his shoulder froze Sakuya in place. He never wanted to see that look on Mahiru’s face again. Not this person, not the one he wanted to hide from the evils of the world. But then the look melted, became one of trust and openness, and Mahiru straightened up from his crouch. He gave a brief, stunted laugh and rubbed sheepishly at his neck. Sakuya found his eyes straying to the spot despite his own intentions.

“Sorry, thought you were someone else,” Mahiru began. “Someone was chasing me.” His eyes darted to and fro before they settled on Sakuya, a breath of relief slipping passed his lips, parting them. Sakuya had to look away, in case he stared too long where he shouldn’t. “But it looks like they finally gave up.”

“Why was someone chasing you?” He dragged his earphones off so he would hear every word, glaring off to the side, willing the culprit to take shape on the street; he wanted to know who exactly he needed to kill.

Mahiru waved it off. “Nah, it’s fine. I just saved an old lady from being mugged and the guy didn’t like that, so …” Shrugging, Mahiru told him, “It’s not like he’s going to try again with this many witnesses, don’t worry.”

That was true; the night life was starting to flood the streets. That didn’t mean it was any safer for Mahiru to be out and about. He didn’t care if it was taken the wrong way this time and stared at his friend, at his lips and his neck and the inviting show of skin as his wrist gestured along with his words. Mahiru wasn’t lying, but he had to be kidding if he thought Sakuya was going to leave him on his own after admitting something like that.

“I’ll walk you home,” he decided, holding out his arm, “I have something I want to give you, anyway.”

Bemused, Mahiru’s gaze shifted to the paper bag. “You … got me something?”

“Yeah.” He felt his face heat up, so he ducked into his jacket and let his arm fall, taking the bag with it. On second thought, he didn’t want to Mahiru to see it here. If there was even the slightest chance that Mahiru wouldn’t like the gift, or thought it was weird, he wanted to be hidden from prying eyes; he wanted the chance to fix the mistake before it became a memory. “You can check it out when we get to your place.”

“All right,” Mahiru gave in, “it’s a deal.”

It was tempting to take his hand then, to play up the opportunity presented to him. He could pass it off as a joke, Mahiru would let him, but he didn’t reach for his hand. It was a temptation that would have led to other temptations, and if he was going to be alone with Mahiru, he didn’t need a loss of control getting the better of him.

It was enough to let the steady drum of his friend’s heart lull him into companionable silence as they walked to their destination, unhurried and relaxed. It spoke of how much faith Mahiru put into their relationship, how safe he felt with Sakuya there beside him, and it made his stomach tingle pleasantly with want.

Once they made it to Mahiru’s home, he waited for his friend to unlock the door and observed their surroundings in the meantime. It didn’t look like they had been followed, they had taken the long way around to ensure it, but caution and distrust had been his companions for so long; he couldn’t ignore the possibility. There was nothing out of the ordinary, and he would have noticed an unfamiliar scent from here.

When Mahiru called for him to come in, he followed. “Here,” and then he tossed the bag to his friend, painting on a smile, “you can thank me with dinner, if you like.”

Mahiru scoffed and started peeling back the top of the bag, reaching in as he said, “You walked me home, isn’t that enough?”

“That was all for _you_ ,” Sakuya waved a finger in the air, tutting, “don’t be selfish, Mahiru.”

After skimming his fingers for a few seconds in the bag, Mahiru brought out his gift and gaped. “How … when did you realize I lost mine?” A black and white sweatband sat there, brand new and the same size as his palm. “This looks just like …”

“Yeah,” Sakuya spoke quietly, “I figured you might be missing it, so -” His words were knocked out of him as Mahiru hugged him tight, burying his face into the side of his neck, a shaky, happy, “Thank you,” breathed out across his skin. Sakuya gulped and eyed the skin at the base of Mahiru’s neck. It would be so easy to - he stilled his hand on the back of Mahiru’s head, before he could touch skin. Before he could feel the pulse of blood and will, and _want_.

“You’re welcome,” he opted to say, voice still hushed but overwhelmed for different reasons this time, “think of me when you look at it, okay?”

Mahiru raised his face out of the folds of the jacket and it was such a sweet, tender smile curled at his lips that Sakuya felt something snap inside him. He would regret it later, but for now - he traced Mahiru’s bottom lip with his thumb, marveling at the soft edges that led into dry skin, flaking from the cold. Before Mahiru could do much more than blink in confusion, Sakuya leaned down, moved his thumb out of the way, and pressed their lips together. His tongue softened up the rest of that lip, breaking the dryness there, washing away the skin, blood slipping into his mouth.

It wasn’t enough; it would never be enough. He nipped down hard on the lip between his teeth and Mahiru gasped, began that dreaded recoil that Sakuya had feared, but Sakuya held him in place, latched on as fiercely as he could. There was more blood now, dripping out the sides of their mouths, but it was delicious and intoxicating, saying what Mahiru would never say, _This feels kind of good. I don’t want him to stop, but that last part … is this how kisses are meant to go?_ A sense of being of unsure, but wanting just as much as Sakuya, and that was the important part.

The part that made him continue, trailing kisses down his neck and sinking his teeth in to scratch and tear and provoke more blood. There was more frenzy to Mahiru’s blood then, more pleas for _Stop, stop, I’m scared_ , but by the time his teeth finally pierced the junction between neck and shoulder, Sakuya had forgotten his original intent all together. It was consuming him, his own hunger, and he kept going even as Mahiru grew quiet, as his blood ceased its resolve to convey what it was Mahiru wished. He kept going until there wasn’t anything left to drink.

There wasn’t any more warmth to take. He stared down at the body in his arms, lifeless and slumped against him, eyes open in their last moments, and then he collapsed to the floor, his knees weak and giving out as they shook. Disbelief was first. He couldn’t believe it. He would never hurt Mahiru, would never - but he had been so _hungry_ and Mahiru had been so _willing_ , there shouldn’t have been anything wrong with taking just a little.

His friend’s lips were blue and broken, and Sakuya would never forget that sight as long as he lived. He had feared someone else taking Mahiru from him, but he should have feared himself more.


End file.
